Current System Configuration: Steadily growing emo again

-Farewell from Avantasia: The Metal Opera. A very good song for missing someone. Like now. Farewell is a beautiful power ballad with a medieval sound. It’s much more melancholic than Freedom Call’s The Wanderer as it’s about the estranged step-siblings Gabriel and Anna meeting again in a dungeon–while Gabriel was escaping. He couldn’t take Anna with him for some reason, so they had to part ways again. Sharon del Adel’s beautiful rendition of Anna’s lines is just breathtaking despite her deep sadness. I’m just glad this sad song ends with Michael Kiske singing Lugaid Vandroiy’s lines:

No farewell could be the last one if you long to meet again

[Breakfast] Merced raisin bread
[Lunch] PSHS Cafeteria burgers
[Dinner] Sbarro’s broccoli and spinach stuffed pizza.
[Coffee] Absolutely none.
Current Read:
none. Argh, I want to read so badly.

Today was quite productive. PSHS held its first screening exam, and I was one of the proctors. Most of us PSHS teachers are “encouraged” to be proctors anyway. (400 bucks is enough, I guess) Although I messed up some things during the exam, it wasn’t a train wreck. Everything turned out fine in the end.

Something’s been eating away at me this week, though. Perhaps it was triggered by a good number of my students gushing about their crushes. It’s the Stirrings, I guess. Yes, their hormones are acting up, and they’re enjoying it. I guess what gets to me is that they can actually look forward to seeing that special someone everyday, while I can’t.

I wish I was like Jonas in The Giver. All I need to do is take a pill and it will all be gone. But that’s not how life is like, is it? The sad part is that when Jonas stopped taking the pill, he actually had pleasurable dreams. I don’t get any. Apart from the grace of God (which includes the love of my family and students), I feel quite cold. I hate this, I don’t like being bitter. I like being able to show how much I care, and there’s someone in particular I want to show this to.

Just that it isn’t possible.

Longing to meet again,

Your Black Lion


~ by J. R. R. Flores on October 14, 2006.

20 Responses to “Stirrings”

  1. Sir, it’s all right. At least you have some form of communication with her, and you’ll get to see her sooner or later, won’t you? I just hope for your sake that it’s sooner. And yes, MANY crushes were revealed to you over this week, weren’t they?

  2. Thanks Andie. 🙂 Yeah, I do hope I see her soon. And I guess I should try to contact her more.

    And uh, don’t kill Joe, please? D:

  3. i guess i could relate to what you’re goin through, sir. “someone in particular” lives 605 miles away. and i’m only gonna get to see him during Christmas break and summer.

    haha! i’m going emo on sir’s blog. lol.
    don’t worry sir. christmas is coming soon! 🙂

    andie> no! don’t listen to sir! kill joe! kiiiiill him! *maniacal laughter*
    haha! lol. just kidding. dont. 😀

  4. Thanks Isa. Don’t worry, I go emo on it too. XD Yeah, just have to wait I guess.

  5. Well, around less than a month ago, I would have participated in the lack-of-someone-self-flaggelation but you’d just raise your eyebrows if I start with it.

    But yeah, I’ve been down that road and my bouts of lonesome depression were scarier since I’ve been left behind several times (alongside the 15 straight rejections).

    I know how you feel. But you’ve been fixated on her longer than I could fixate myself on a particular woman and that is quite admirable. Stay strong.

  6. aww, sir. at least you’ll be able to see her during christmas. be happy for her too. there’s still hope.

    i sound so random. -_-

    andie> yeah, don’t listen to sir. KILL JOE. ahihi. just kidding. XD

  7. sir, i thought stirrings were just dreams. i dont mean anything by that. LOL

  8. My Man,

    My apologies for stirring your stirrings counter-clockwise but have you ever thought of just Moving On…?

    Moving On

    I am moving on
    reaching toward my hopes and dreams
    It has taken me far too long
    to reach this place, it seems

    My fears may try to hold me back
    To try and block my way
    But with courage and faith in my heart
    I will get there come what may

    The road will be a long one,
    And it may be rocky, too
    But when I reach this place in time,
    My dreams could all shine through

    I am coming nearer to my goals
    And my excitement grows
    The plans I have made will soon be real
    Along with the destiny I chose

    Though I have been tossed and turned in life’s storms
    I will surely see a brighter dawn
    I’m no longer held back by my fears
    I’m finally….Moving On

    by Alan Murray

  9. I’ve tried to look elsewhere. Never found anyone else. Perhaps my standards are too high? No, I don’t want to think of anyone as less than her. But I’ve been trying to do that for eight years, to no avail.

  10. Wow. I never thought that 1st year students already have the guts to tell their crushes to you, sir. Hormones actually act up at the age of 12-14! Kewl. XD

  11. Yeah joel, like yours XD

  12. Conrad> No hormones. But there’s my adrenaline rush. XD

  13. Joel> actually, everyone IS hormonal. it’s just that some people’s hormones act up earlier or are more active.

  14. And they can also be in denial.

  15. *fires up his fambaa energy sheield to prevent any attempts on his life*

  16. ooookay.

    i guess i’m not one of those in denial. i’m pretty hormonal too.

    *tries to find a way to overcome joe’s fambaa energy shield*


  17. Sir, I thought stirrings aren’t real. I sooo hate Joe 😡 for that question in truth or dare a while ago. Sir sorry for making much noise! 😛

    *Destroys Joe’s fambaa energy shield by Marz’s

  18. Well, don’t worry too much ’bout that sir. You’re not alone. And, you still have hope. As for me, I have been so utterly rejected. Well, the story said it all.

    I’ve actually tried looking at other paths before (as you well know), but what I felt for her was real. Anyway, there’s nothing much I can do ’bout it now, ayt? I think all that I can do right now is wait and pray for a miracle.

    Or maybe I’m looking at wrong path after all.

  19. Heck I’m still amazed at how you remained fixated on a single woman for so long. To think humans can only concentrate properly for 30 minutes straight.

  20. *takes advantage of Joe’s unprotected body*

    *moves in for the kill*


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