Eating My Words
-Agony Is My Name by Rhapsody of Fire
-The Seven Angels from Avantasia: The Metal Opera
–The Black and the Purple D&D Campaign: 15%
–Nightwatch by Sergei Lukyanenko: 33%
–REX 3.0 MMERPG: 50%
–Preparations for school opening: 66%
Yesterday afternoon I was pouring out my heart to Fil about how someone does not pay much attention to me. I was going around yesterday, angsting spitefully about it, claiming that it was about time that I discarded this long-standing infatuation that was becoming more of a burden than the inspiration that it used to be. This morning I was asking God to take it away from me again, and this time I was sure that I didn’t want it anymore.
I was rationalizing this bitterness, saying I didn’t want to hate this person at all. But you’d think that after ten years of knowing each other, she’d be more open to me at least as I am open to her. But no, I was just not receiving any indication of any opening up, no indication of any softening. I was really down about it this morning.
Then came Sunday worship. God really has a way of using it to uplift me, that much is true. But this time, it was strangely different.
I sit there in my usual place in the front row, brooding, telling God that despite how awesome she looked that morning I would not look, I would not care, and I would concentrate on worship. Then all of a sudden, while I’m angsting into space, she passes by and seems not to pay any attention at all, even as I looked up. Hah, I thought. See, Lord? She doesn’t care at all. Come on, Lord, I don’t want to deal with this anymore.
Then she passes by a second time, going in the other direction, and says hi to someone. I didn’t realize it was to me until both my brother and grandma called my attention to it.
Facepalm. Messed up again, but the Lord has been doing this more and more in my life lately: providing object lessons to the Sunday worship sermons. I realized that throughout the entire service I was looking at her again and watching for an opportunity to apologize. (It never came, had to settle for a text message afterward.)
The message was about how immutable God is–He, being the eternal and absolute existence, does not change–quite unlike everything and everyone else.
Of old hast thou laid the foundation of the earth: and the heavens are the work of thy hands.
They shall perish, but thou shalt endure: yea, all of them shall wax old like a garment; as a vesture shalt thou change them, and they shall be changed: But thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end. –Psalm 102:25-27
The mere name that God uses to refer to Himself, I AM, stands for His self-sufficient and absolute existence. He has no beginning and no end because He just is, and thus is bound by neither time nor space, both of which are His creations.
And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.–Exodus 3:14
Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I AM. –John 8:58
It may seem to us that God changes His mind as the circumstances in our lives change, but many times we fail to notice that throughout these changing circumstances, His faithfulness and character do not. He is absolutely and infinitely dependable due to His unchanging nature and character, and as such it is a very good idea to put one’s faith in Him.
Later on in the message, Pastor Peter said that God’s Word and His standards do not change.
<blockquote><em> Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. </em>–1 Corinthians 6:9-11</blockquote>
Take note the covetous part. I realized this actually applies to myself–why would I download stuff illegally from the net when I can buy it legally? I felt like I wanted to begin the gradual removal of piracy from my life with RPG books. I’d already stopped buying pirated video games (except for testing–I always purchase an original copy after seeing if it works on my rig), so I figured that RPG books would be the next logical step. Due to the cost of these books it would take quite a while to replace all my PDFs with hard copies, but my brother said he was willing to split the costs with me once he starts getting his allowance again. I guess after this, the next step would be getting actual legal copies of my music (which will be very difficult, considering that I can’t find Rhapsody of Fire or Avantasia anywhere in the Philippines. Oh well.
Regardless, I’m glad to finally have this off my chest–this habit of illegally-obtained material has been bothering me for the longest time.
Tomorrow’s the first day of school, and I’m pretty excited. I’m also nervous as I still have no idea as to what I’m going to do in my third year sections! We meet only three times a week, so I have to save time. <_< Oh well. I guess I’ll have to do what Ma’am O says I can do well–feeling my way through unknown terrain.